I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
