I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pants are for mortals
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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