I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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