Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
