fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
