So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
