There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
