It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
