Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
