So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
