its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
