They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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