i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
