You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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