I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
