I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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