Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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