guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
