I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
