I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
