My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
