i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
