I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
