I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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