i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
