i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
