i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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