she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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