Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
