bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
