i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
