I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
