u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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