We named our party play list daddy issues
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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