do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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