You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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