He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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