he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
