go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i have two assholes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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