OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
