proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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