Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
