Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
try to milk me bitch
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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