If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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