i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
