i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
