Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
