I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
