Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
