i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
