you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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