Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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