grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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