I wish I only lived at night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
