I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
