the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
