Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
