How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
