I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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