Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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