So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I could fuck to npr.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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