I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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