matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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