R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
