i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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