If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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