Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
