i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
