I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
