He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
