cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
