my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
