hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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