eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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