If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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